It’s totally normal to have fears when you’re thinking about adoption for your baby, especially at the beginning of the adoption journey. What has helped some women in your shoes is to talk about their fears with someone who’s been through the process.
Lifetime’s peer counselors are women who have made an adoption plan themselves. Please let us know if you’re interested in talking to one of our peer counselors. It can be a big relief to know that your feelings are normal and that you aren’t alone!
Here are 3 common fears that women have about choosing adoption:
Fear #1: “Giving Up My Baby Makes Me a Bad Mother”
This is probably the most common fear: that making an adoption plan for your baby makes you a bad mother. Adoption isn’t an easy decision to make, and it’s not one that you can be casual about. Every woman experiences adoption in a different way. But in general, there is some pain and grief involved. Know that only the most loving and compassionate mother who wants the best for her child would be willing to even consider adoption. You’re not choosing adoption for yourself, but for your child. You aren’t giving up, and choosing adoption doesn’t make you a bad mother!
Fear #2: “My Child Will Hate Me Someday”
Some women feel like they are simply giving away their baby, and that their child is going to hate them for it. For every negative adoption story you hear, there are many more positive ones. By building a loving, trusting open adoption relationship with the adoptive parents, your child will not hate you for it. With open adoption, your child will be able to communicate with you directly to ask any questions they may have. It’s a good idea to hear adoptee’s stories. Here are a couple: “Open Adoption from an Adoptee’s Perspective” and “Wondering What It’s Like to Be Adopted?”
Fear #3: “No One Will Want to Adopt My Baby”
Some women are afraid that none of the hopeful adoptive families will want their baby because they used drugs or alcohol during the pregnancy. The fact is, there are many adoptive parents who truly understand that having children doesn’t come with guarantees. They want to parent the baby they’re blessed with. If you did use drugs or alcohol when you were pregnant, make sure to be honest. Tell your Adoption Coordinator at Lifetime the truth about what your baby has been exposed to. She’ll help you find an adoptive family who is open to prenatal substance exposure, and who will provide your baby with a loving home.
You can call Lifetime at 1-800-923-6784 to ask your questions about adoption or just to get more information. Your communication with Lifetime is always confidential, and you’re never under any obligation to choose adoption. We’re here to help, not to tell you what to do or to pressure you.