In our nearly 30 years in the field of domestic adoption, we’ve seen and heard of every kind of error you could imagine in adoption. Some errors were made out of inexperience, but others were the caused by stubbornness or adoptive couples procrastinating.
It is our hope that by sharing some of these mistakes here that you won’t make the same missteps. By following our guidance, your adoption journey can be void of these errors, and filled with more peace and calm without guilt or regrets.
Below are the 5 adoption errors to dodge, and how you can correct yourselves if you’ve already made the error:
- Not reading your adoption agreement or contract
If you have a contract that hasn’t been read, make sure to read it now, if your adoption is not complete. Ask questions of your adoption professional. It is not too late!
- Making decisions from your heart and not your head and heart together
If you have already made decisions with your heart and have heartache to show for it, learn from it. Next time, take a deep breath and look at all sides of a situation before you jump in or commit.
- Giving money to a birth mother without checking with your adoption professional
If you have paid a woman posing as a birth mother or one that was considering adoption and you just thought it would be ok to pay a few expenses, learn from this. In some states expenses are illegal and you don’t want to do anything to jeopardize your adoption finalization. When in doubt, ask.
- Putting off getting your home study complete Many adoptive parents put off getting their home study done (or updating it). This causes them to miss out on opportunities to adopt. They find out it is going to cost more to get it done when they needed it done “yesterday”. If you have a home study that was completed more than 12 months ago, contact your home study provider to see when it expires, and document this in your calendar. If it is expired – ask about the home study update process and cost, and then make a point of getting it done within 30 days.
- Going back on your word about contact with a birth mother after your adoption is final.
If by chance you have forgotten to stay in touch with your birth mother, now is the time to consider: where you would be without her? Take time today to send an email to your birth mother or to your adoption professional to forward. A great way to say ‘thank you for making us a family’ is sending a simple message with a photo. Doing so isn’t taking away your role as parents, it’s respecting your child and how they came to be yours through their first family. You will be blessed by honoring your commitment.