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Archive for adoption wait

8 Ways to Be Positive During the Adoption Wait

During the adoption wait a couple walks their dogAre you having a difficult time during the adoption wait? Maintaining a positive attitude makes even the most challenging times easier to experience. Being positive doesn’t mean pretending that you have a perfect life, but rather about seeing the good in life and shifting how you perceive this time.
 
Research has shown that positive thinking can lead to success. Being positive isn’t a switch that can be turned on: like any skill it requires practice. Maintaining a positive attitude is crucial if you want to adopt.
 

Here are 8 ways you can boost your positivity:

 

  1. Think good thoughts. Negative thoughts can happen when you’re waiting to be chosen by a birth mother. When you experience one, take a moment to catch yourself. Identify the problem or emotion you’re feeling, then counter it with a positive thought.
  2. Be grateful. Spend time each day reminding yourself of everything good in your life. Write them down or share them with a loved one. For accountability, you might try doing a “30 Day Gratitude Challenge” with your spouse.
  3. Smile! Research has shown that smiles are contagious. Smile at a stranger, a co-worker, or a friend. They’ll smile back, leaving you both feeling more positive.
  4. Stay active. Exercise makes you feel better physically and mentally. Several times a week go for a walk, work on a project around the house, hit the gym, or play your favorite sport.
  5. Set goals. Having a goal can make you feel more hopeful and confident and give you something to strive for. Make your goal realistic and specific, and use positive words when writing or talking about it. For example, you might set a goal to have your adoption video recorded and edited within two weeks or to submit your home study paperwork within a week.
  6. Keep good company. The people you spend time with have a direct impact on how you feel. Seek out people who believe in you and your adoption dream. Spend time with family members, friends, co-workers, or acquaintances who think positive and inspire and motivate you to achieve your goals.
  7. Do things you love. Make time in your day to do something that makes you happy. Listen to music, read a book, catch up with a friend, or step outside and enjoy nature.
  8. Write in a journal. Jot down all the positive things that happen to you each day. Your journal entries can be just a few words or sentences. Pick a day each month to read through your journal and relive your positive experiences.

Why Did They Adopt, But Not Us?

Why did they adopt, but not us?There are many sides to the adoption journey when you’re eagerly waiting to be chosen by a birth mother. Many adoptive couples go through the process joyfully, trying to be as patient and proactive as possible. Others struggle with feelings of jealousy and frustration, asking themselves, “Why did they adopt, but not us?”
 
During the wait, most adoptive families may wonder things like:
 
Why did that couple get chosen by a birth mother and not us?

Why is this taking so long?

Why are they taking new adoptive families when we’re still waiting?

We would have happily adopted that baby. Why didn’t they offer the adoption to us?

Thoughts like these might make you doubt your adoption professional and your adoption plans. They can even make you question what you have to offer a child. It’s what you do with these thoughts that’ll affect your peace of mind, while you’re in the adoption wait. Today, we’re going to elaborate on each common question to find the truth:
 

Why did that couple get chosen by a birth mother and not us?

In modern adoption, birth mothers choose adoptive families for a variety of reasons. Lifetime has worked with birth moms who chose the couple they did because they looked kind, familiar, or fun. Other women have chosen their baby’s adoptive family based on where they live, their hobbies, and even their pets. There isn’t one predictable reason a birth mother may prefer one family over another. However, the truth is that she can only pick ONE adoptive family for her baby. This makes her decision difficult when she learns about so many wonderful couples who’d make loving parents for her child.
 

Why is this taking so long?

If adoption was easy or fast, more people would pursue it. It’s hard to predict exactly how long your adoption wait will be. At our agency, every adoption depends on a birth mother’s choice. So in order to maximize your exposure to women thinking about adoption, it’s very important to follow your adoption professional’s recommendations.
 
Similarly, it’s crucial to keep your adoption preferences as open as you are comfortable. Each time your profile is shown to a birth mother is another opportunity to be picked. The truth is that there are reasons why some couples wait longer than others, such as procrastinating on getting their adoption profile or home study completed or passing up opportunities within their preferences. For couples who have been proactive from the start, the truth is it’s just a matter of time.
 
Birth mother considering adoption

Why are they taking new adoptive families when we’re still waiting?

Many assume that an agency should avoid welcoming new clients until their current ones have adopted. This reasoning behind this argument is that with fewer couples to choose from, the longer-waiting ones are more likely to get chosen. But, the argument ignores the fact that couples ARE completing adoptions each month, and there continues to be a need for adoptive families who are open to a variety of situations.
 
The truth is that birth mothers are less inclined to consider adoption when she doesn’t see any adoptive families that interest her. She might look for an adoptive family at another agency, or even give up on adoption altogether. When she really has a choice in who adopts her baby, a birth mother is more likely to feel confident in moving forward with an adoption match when she’s ready.
 

We would have happily adopted that baby. Why didn’t they offer the adoption to us?

Many factors come into play when an agency picks a family for a baby, including the birth mother’s preferences. Even if she wants the agency to pick the adoptive family, a birth mother may still have requests. Also, the agency must carefully consider the adoptive family’s readiness, preferences, and budget.
 
Lifetime’s Adoption Coordinators are thorough when they help adoptive parents and birth mothers connect. The truth is that because of confidentiality you don’t know every detail that went into an adoption match. It’s impossible to know what happened “behind the scenes.”
 

Remain Positive & Hopeful

Most adoptive families will tell you, that looking back now, perspective is everything when you’re in the adoption wait. When questions like these pop up in your mind, focus on the truth rather than fears or frustrations. This will help you remain positive and hopeful. The best way to fight feelings of discouragement or jealousy is to celebrate the adoptions of other adoptive parents and to focus on what IS happening as you wait. If you find the adoption journey pressing on your insecurities, reflect and then take action to tackle them during your wait. Not every step of your adoption path will be a milestone, but all are a necessary part of leading you to the child you long to add to your family.

Waiting to Adopt? Get Our Holiday Survival Tips

get Lifetime's tips for surviving the holidays while you're waiting to adopt!If you’re in the midst of your adoption wait, the holidays can become a time of added pressure and disappointment. People close to you may mean well but ask questions or make remarks that seem insensitive.

If you’re hopeful adoptive parents waiting for a child, you might be wondering “How are we going to get through the holidays?” Today, Lifetime is sharing 5 tips on how to survive the holidays while in the adoption wait!

1. Talk About It
Trying to hold your emotions inside will only make you feel worse. So, think about talking to a close family member, friend, counselor, or your pastor about what you’re going through. It may be that simply talking about it will raise your spirits so that you can enjoy the holiday festivities.

2. Be Honest
You might be feeling guilty that you’re not happy when everyone around you seems to be in the holiday spirit. You see that people around you are cheerfully celebrating. If you’re feeling down, don’t try to suppress your emotions. Grant yourself permission to cry and be sad. It might help to jot your feelings down in a journal. Decline invites to holiday parties and dinners you’re not up to attending.

3. Do Something for Yourself
Practice some self-care if you’re feeling unhappy during the holidays. This could be a nice long massage, a weekly yoga class, or treating yourself to that pretty dress you’ve been admiring. By doing something for yourself, relaxing, and unwinding, you’ll be better able to handle the hectic holiday season. Everyone deserves a break to re-group every now and then.

4. Help Those in Need
Often, giving back can lift your spirits. There are so many ways to do this, so pick something that feels right to you. You could volunteer at a homeless shelter, donate toys or gifts to a family in need, or even just do something thoughtful for a friend, co-worker, or family member. Helping those in need will give you an amazing feeling!

5. Get Involved
When you’re feeling blue, getting involved in a project or activity may help. “When we were in the adoption wait, I put a fresh coat of paint and got new furniture for our guest bedroom. Doing all this allowed me something to think about other than how sad I felt. And, it paid off! My mom ended up staying in this guest room and helping me out during the very first days home with our newborn son,” shares one Lifetime adoptive mom. Getting involved doesn’t have to mean undertaking such a big project, though. It may be an activity as simple as baking, scrapbooking, knitting, organizing a closet, or making homemade gifts.

Remember, this too shall pass, no matter how you choose to get through the holiday season while you’re waiting to adopt. And you’ll be parents before you know it!

In Your Adoption Wait? 5 Ideas on What You Can Do

learn what you can do during your adoption wait!If you’re struggling with the adoption wait, know that it’s just a matter of time before a birth mother chooses you. During your adoption wait, you have time to learn what you can to get ready for parenthood. You’ll learn how the adoption process works and positive adoption language. You’ll consult with experts in the adoption field. Know that there will be good days and others filled with doubt and worry.

But what can you do while you wait? Here are 5 ideas:

1. Imagine what it will be like once you bring your baby home. How will you notify your employer you need time off for adoption travel? Will you celebrate the adoption privately, with family and friends, or publicly at a religious observance? Who will you call first?

2. Think about what you’ll name your child. Will you name them after a much-loved relative? Or maybe a name you have always liked? Many adoptive families use the name their child’s birth mother gave them as their middle name. If you’re adopting an older child, consider keeping the name your child is accustomed to.

3. Plan the style of your child’s room. Some waiting adoptive couples enjoy shopping for baby items and assembling the nursery. Others feel it’s a sad reminder that they haven’t yet brought home their baby. So, consider what works best for you. You might choose furniture, paint, wall paper, and the needed baby gear, and have it on reserve at the baby store.

4. Join an adoption support group. These groups are a great way to get practical know-how and guidance from others in the wait. There will be adoptive families in each stage of their adoption journey in the support group. Some will be experienced adoptive parents, and the advice they give will be priceless.

5. Consider counseling as another way to get support and explore adoptive parenting. Find a local psychologist or social worker whose specialty is adoption. Talk about any anxieties you have surrounding the adoption process, and also about your parenting plans.

Soon, your adoption wait will be over, and you’ll be enjoying the sights and sounds of parenthood. The love you’ll feel for your child is unlimited!

If we can help you or someone you care for,
share this link to our free application to adopt!
LifetimeAdoption.com/apply

A Lesson In Patience as You Wait to Adopt

tips on how to handle your wait to adopt

A Lifetime adoptive couple admire their baby

It’s been a long, stressful road. When you chose to adopt you were, in fact, making a life-altering decision. Up to this point, you may have spent countless days, years even, hoping, and longing for a child of your own. You may have cried out of desperation in your quest to conceive. All of these efforts may have felt like they were to no avail, but the reality is that the time you spent preparing yourself for the birth process, you were actually preparing yourself for the journey of motherhood. Everyone has a path that they will take to parenthood. Adoption is yours, and as you know, it is a process. Whether or not it seems unbearable, you will have to exercise patience as your family progresses through the wait to adopt.

At times, you will, no doubt, question yourself. You will question those that are working to help you realize your dreams of being a parent. You will wonder if this is the right thing for you to do and if you will be good at it. But, even as you wonder, your patience may be stretched a bit thin. You have to remember that this is a process and that it will not happen overnight. It will take time. It may take, what feels like, an eternity. Consider this…the time spent going through the adoption process will seem like a drop in a bucket once you have your child in your arms. The hugs that you will share, the moment that you tuck them in bed, the many, many nights that you will care for them, and each time they accomplish something great in their lives, this time will seem minuscule. As you watch them grow, when they hit their first home run, or when you watch them perform in a school play, that time that you waited will seem like a blink of an eye.

So, hold on. Take solace in knowing that the wait will soon be over. You will have your child, and then, you will absolutely need patience. But, you will be more confident and, much more able to enjoy your child. You may even be extremely thankful for this time, and proud of how you handled things…a lesson that you will be able to share with your child in years to come!

Coping With Your Adoption Wait

Coping with an adoption waitThere’s a lot of waiting involved in the infant adoption process. First, there’s waiting for your home study to be completed, then there’s the waiting for a birth mother to choose to match with you. The adoption wait can seem extra tough, especially when it’s for something you so long for: to be parents.

There may be days when the phone rings and you think ‘could that be the call we’ve been waiting for?’ Then, it’s disappointing when it turns out this isn’t your adoption agency calling that a birth mother is interested in speaking with you. The important thing is that that you keep on going, and praying for that much-anticipated call to come soon.

During your adoption wait, your profile will be looked at by many birth mothers. You’ll probably end up speaking to several of them before being matched. This fact can be both a blessing and distressing.

You may get your hopes up once you’re aware that your profile is getting viewed, so your excitement grows because you feel that your chances of being chosen for a match will come soon. But then what if you still don’t get chosen?

You begin to doubt yourself, your profile, and that you’re able to show birth mother mothers you’ll be excellent parents. When you don’t get picked, it can lower your self-esteem and you can get down on yourself.

Don’t go there! Remember, God made you and that is good enough. There will be ups and downs on your adoption journey, but it will come to an end. You will adopt a baby if you stick with it.

So, what can you do to get through your waiting time? Are there actions you can take to make the wait easier to cope with? The good news is that yes, there are definitely things you can do in order to stay productive during your wait! Check out Lifetime Adoption Agency Florida’s ideas on how to cope with your adoption wait:

Waiting to Adopt? 5 Ways to Stay Encouraged

Letting God Help You During Your Adoption Wait

What to Do During Your Adoption Wait this Winter

Struggling With Your Adoption Wait? Read This!

5 Tips for Staying Positive During the Holidays

happy-during-holidaysMany hopeful adoptive couples find that the wait to be chosen by birth mother gets tedious, and even more so during the holiday season. To keep yourself and your spouse motivated during your adoption wait, we’re sharing 5 tips with you today:
 
1. Find with Other Waiting Parents

Establishing a connection with other waiting adoptive parents will give you support during your adoption wait. You can find other waiting couples online or in person, in adoption support groups. There are tons of groups around the US which are aimed at supporting parents in their adoption journey. Search for a group close to you or online. Then, begin talking with people who can empathize with what you are going through right now.

2. Discuss the Adoption Process

Find others you’re close to and with whom you’re comfortable discussing your adoption journey. You may feel that your family and close friends are sick of hearing about your adoption, but most likely they aren’t. If your friends are true friends, they’ll listen and continue to support you. If you’d rather not keep talking with the same friends about your adoption, we suggest that you find a group of adoptive mothers or an adoption support group.
 

3. Make a Progress Chart

It’s beneficial for you to be able to see your progress on a chart. Just make yourself a chart of all the steps needed to achieve your goal of adopting. As you finish each step, you’ll be able to see tangible proof that you’re moving toward your goal. You may feel silly doing this but remember: before you know it, you’ll be holding your beautiful baby in your arms.
 
4. Treat Yourselves

As you complete each of your steps on your progress chart, reward yourself and your spouse. Maybe your reward will be going to go out to a romantic dinner at the new hot spot in town. Or, maybe you’ll get that dress you’ve been eyeing for a while. It really doesn’t matter what you pick as your reward; the main idea is to find rewards that’ll keep you motivated.
 
5. Have Fun

Many find it difficult to have fun when they’re aching so badly to be parents. You’ll need to have a sense of humor when you become a parent, so now is a good time to start! Appreciate this time you have, waiting and anticipating the new addition to your family. Before you know it, you’ll be parenting the baby of your dreams!