It’s common for hopeful adoptive parents to wonder what birth mothers are like. How old are most birth mothers? Are they married or single? Why are they choosing adoption? What’s a typical birth mother like? Today, we’re giving you the answers to these frequently-asked questions, and more!
A stereotypical birth mother is a teenager who dropped out of school once she learned of her pregnancy. She doesn’t have job skills. Because her parents have kicked her out, she has to get welfare. But the reality is, most birth mothers don’t fit into this stereotype.
Some birth parents are still working on their education, and their current life situation won’t work for good parenting. Many aren’t ready (financially or emotionally) to parent. Most are making an adoption plan out of love for their baby. Many are hoping for a two-parent family for their child, something that they can’t give their child right now. A few birth parents are even married, and can’t care for more children than they already have. It’s becoming more commonplace for the birth father or spouse to be involved and supportive of the adoption plan.
Deciding to make an adoption plan for a child is very difficult, but it’s a decision often made out of love. She could have gotten an abortion. But, because she values the life of her baby and loves him or her, she’s chosen adoption.
Some birth parents are on state or financial aid and simply can’t provide for this baby. There are also birth mothers from middle-class upbringings. She might be in college, live with her parents, or already have children. Birth parents might feel like they’re getting by but really can’t afford to provide for another child in addition to all they’re already doing.
It’s a myth that birth mothers have no job skills or education. Many birth mothers are going to school, already have a degree, or are in a stable career. Most have graduated high school and have held jobs. Studies have shown that women who choose adoption are more likely to have higher education and career goals for themselves than those who parent. Also, birth parents are more likely to finish school and have a job, and less likely to be on government aid.*
So what’s a typical birth mother like?
A typical birth mother is in her twenties or thirties, already parenting other children, and wants more for her baby than what she can provide. She may be in a relationship, but the man may not be taking on the role of a father to her kids. Even though she’s aware that adoption is a difficult decision, she knows it’s best for her baby.
The birth mom that you connect with could be completely and totally different than this, so that’s something you should also be prepared for!
*Source: The Institute for Adoption Information, Inc.’s “An Educator’s Guide to Adoption.”