“I’m 23 weeks along, and my baby’s father wants nothing to do with me and the baby. He told me he’d give me money to get an abortion when he found out I was expecting. Unfortunately, he recently blocked me on everything, so there’s no way I can contact him.
What should I do? How can I get financial support from him? I feel so alone and uncertain what to do.”
Even if your pregnancy was unplanned, it takes two people to create a baby. You and your baby’s father should be in this together. It’s normal to feel betrayed and abandoned when you lack support from the person you need it from the most. While it is utterly unfair that the weight of this situation falls only on you, you are not alone. You are still in charge of your future.
Give Him Time
First off, we suggest giving your baby’s father some time to come around. People’s first reactions to life-changing news (like an unplanned pregnancy) aren’t always their best moments. He might have simply had a knee-jerk reaction to your news. Right now, he could be thinking:
What will people think of me?
I’m not ready to be a dad.
I never planned to have kids.
After taking some time to process the news of your pregnancy, he may be ready to support you with your choice. It won’t do any good to pressure him one way or the other. Right now, try to keep your mind on what’s best for you and your baby.
Avoid Being Pressured
This is your life, your body, and your choice.
Do not let your baby’s father pressure you into having an abortion. Getting an abortion is a permanent decision you may regret for the rest of your life if it’s not what you actually want. Think of your future. Only you can decide what is going to be best for you and your baby. Even if it doesn’t seem like it, you do have options!
While considering the choice of parenting your child, try to picture that life as a single parent. Sure, your baby’s father might come around, but right now, you can’t form your plans off of him. Consider if you can handle being a single mom both financially and emotionally.
There are ways for you to help ease the financial burden of being a single parent, from support services such as WIC and Medicaid. Also, your baby’s father will be required to pay child support. While a court cannot make him have a physical or emotional relationship with his child, they can require the father to provide financial help.
In order to collect child support from your baby’s father, he will need to agree to take a paternity test. If he refuses to, you could file a civil lawsuit to determine paternity. A paternity test can even be done before the baby is even born in some cases. Make sure to consult with an attorney who specializes in family law, as paternity laws differ by state.
If you can’t possibly picture raising your child on your own, adoption may be right for you. In today’s modern, open adoptions, birth mothers have full control over the whole process. And the adoption professionals at Lifetime Adoption will help you every step along the way. You can:
- Browse profiles of hopeful adoptive parents
- Receive professional, licensed counseling and support
- Get to know the adoptive couple before you make a decision
- Get updates on your child as they grow up
- Choose how much contact you’d like to keep with your child throughout their life
Choosing Adoption if the Baby’s Father Isn’t Involved
Adoption generally requires both parents’ approval, but there are some situations where it can be done without his consent. Each state has different adoption laws. So depending on your state, you may not need the father’s consent if:
- He is a convicted felon.
- He is abusive.
- He is in jail.
- He has a drug addiction.
- He can’t be found.
But the best-case scenario for a smooth adoption process is to have his consent in writing. An adoption attorney can help guide you during this process.
If baby’s father is against you choosing adoption, he could object. However, that typically happens if he wants custody of the child. If your baby’s father cannot show that he will be able to support the child properly and does not provide support during your pregnancy, he may be refused the right to object to the adoption.
Making a Choice That’s Right for You
If he changes his mind about being a part of his child’s life, you can begin making plans together. But right now, try to focus on what will be best for you and your baby.
Your baby has formed a connection between you and this man that may last for the next 18 years, but you are still in charge of what that looks like.
Of course, you have your baby’s future to think about, and need to make the best choice for your health and happiness too. Lifetime’s adoption professionals can offer support and non-judgmental guidance as you make this choice.
Call or text Lifetime Adoption at 1-800-923-6784, anytime, 24/7. You can also contact us for free information on adoption.
As the Vice President (VP) of Lifetime Adoption, Heather Featherston holds an MBA and is passionate about working with those facing adoption, pregnancy, and parenting issues. Heather has conducted training for birth parent advocates, spoken to professional groups, and has appeared on television and radio to discuss the multiple aspects of adoption. She has provided one-on-one support to women and hopeful adoptive parents working through adoption decisions.
Since 2002, she has been helping pregnant women and others in crisis to learn more about adoption. Heather also trains and speaks nationwide to pregnancy clinics to effectively meet the needs of women who want to explore adoption for their child. Today, she continues to address the concerns women have about adoption and supports the needs of women who choose adoption for their child.
As a published author of the book Called to Adoption, Featherston loves to see God’s hand at work every day as she helps children and families come together through adoption.