Image

Archive for hospital experience

What NOT To Do at the Hospital

Many adoptive families nowadays are blessed to get invited by the birth parents to be present for the birth of their baby. We want to share some general guidelines with you today about the adoption hospital experience!

At the hospital, there’s such a difference between adoptive parents that mean well and those who act entitled. Join Lifetime as we share four things that adoptive couples should avoid doing at the hospital.

1. Don’t Invite People

While this is a joyous occasion for you, consider the birth parents. Unless they request the company of your friends and family, avoid the urge to invite them to the hospital.

We want to advise you to not to treat her hospital experience as your own, by celebrating with friends and family.

A birth mother kisses her baby2. Don’t Take Charge
The birth mother should always be the one taking the lead. Remember that right now, you don’t have any legal rights to her child. Show your birth mother the respect she deserves by honoring this fact and understanding boundaries. Don’t make any decisions for the baby until the adoption paperwork has been signed. That means that if hospital personnel asks you a question about the baby, you’ll need to remind them to ask the birth mother. She needs to be the one making the decisions for now.

Lifetime has heard from many birth mothers who cherish the time they’re able to spend with their baby after delivery. So, make sure to let her enjoy this time.

Remember, let the birth mother take the lead and always ask for her permission. It’s important that you allow her however much time she needs to have with her baby.

3. Don’t Stay for Hours on End
Make sure to give the birth mother regular breaks from visiting with you and give her the space she needs. It’s sometimes easy for adoptive couples to be so excited about becoming parents, that they miss her social cues saying she needs some space. Your birth mother definitely needs to rest after giving birth, and she might also need some time alone with her baby.

Follow her lead, and provide for her wants and needs as you can. Avoid trying to take over, and don’t ask her for favors. For example, we’ve heard of adoptive couples asking to have the baby room with them, or for them to sleep over in the birth mother’s room. Don’t be that couple! Your birth mother already has so much on her plate, and she deserves to be in charge.

4. Don’t Pressure Her
Many birth mothers already feel pressured to follow through with adoption, so don’t do or say anything that to add to that. An example is gifts. Even though adoptive couples mean well, giving a gift right now just adds to the pressure she already feels. Your birth mother’s aware you’ve traveled a long way to get to the hospital. She knows the emotional ties you’ve made to her baby.

Our advice is to make sure to communicate with her. Are you unsure of what to say or do? Let her know! Tell her that you’re not there to pressure her. Let her know you’ll still love and respect her should she decide to parent.

Remember, for years to come you’ll be telling your son or daughter their birth story. So what’s important now is that you act in a way that will make your child proud of the role you played.

Touching Video from a Birth Mom to Her Baby Has Gone Viral!

Birth mother Hannah holds her newborn sonIn a heartfelt video that’s now viral, a birth mother tells her newborn born son that she’ll always love him.

Both People Magazine and The Today Show have featured this story, all about a loving birth mother with a loving message for her baby. “I thought I would make this video for you instead of writing a letter because it’s real and it’s in the moment,” birth mother Hannah says tearily in the video.

Hannah’s video is a lovely reminder of your birth mother’s love for her child. This love may also include you, the parents she chose for her baby. “His adoptive mom Emily is honestly everything I want to be as a person and a mother. I am so grateful that [my son] led me to her and their family. They are a blessing…” Hannah shares.

Your child will really appreciate having a video like this! Many adopted children grow up wondering about their birth family, and why they chose adoption. By taping a video like this, your child is provided with answers to many of their questions. As Hannah words it, “He will never have to think that I ‘gave him up’ or that I did not love him. He will always be able to know that I loved him more than anyone else in this world!”

Here’s birth mom Hannah’s full video:

“I made this video so that you know how much I love you,” Hannah says in the clip. “I made this decision completely out of love, and if I didn’t love you I wouldn’t of been in this position at all, and you wouldn’t have this awesome adoptive family. I fell in love with them, and they were beyond anything I could have asked for, and I have really really high standards for anyone who is going to raise my child.”

At the hospital, Hannah allowed the adoptive parents she chose to be present for some of her labor. After delivery, Hannah asked to have some time alone with her son. We were reminded of the saying in adoption: “you can’t say goodbye until you say hello.” Remember, if your birth mother requests time alone with her baby, it doesn’t mean she’s having second thoughts. It means that she loves her baby very much, and wants the best for him or her.

Today, Hannah has an open adoption with the adoptive couple she chose, Brad and Emily. They’ve shared that it’s important for them that all three of their sons have open adoptions. “Having our boys’ birth mothers so involved in their lives means they will never have to wonder if their birth moms loved them, they will never have to feel abandoned,” says adoptive mother, Emily. “They are all wonderful mothers and will always be our boys’ first mothers.

Choose Your Adoption Experience in the Hospital

Open adoption allows you many choices as a birth mother, including how things are handled at the hospital when you deliver. You will have many choices in your hospital experience, including who can be in the delivery room and who can see/hold your baby.

In this video, Adoption Expert Mardie Caldwell describes the variety of choices you have for your adoption experience in the hospital:

 

)

If you have questions or concerns about making an adoption plan for your baby or child, please give us a call! Adoption Coordinators are standing by 24/7 to assist you; just give Lifetime Adoption a phone call at 1-800-923-6784.