When you decide to make an open adoption plan, it doesn’t just mean having a relationship with your child. It also means having a relationship with your child’s adoptive family. And creating a bond with them can be a wonderful experience!
Today, we’re giving you 4 tips to help get you to begin the path towards a quality relationship with the adoptive family:
1. Get to Know Them
Getting to know your child’s adoptive parents before and after placement is important! So, ask them questions about things like their lives, jobs, church, vacations, and traditions. You could try chatting with them like you would to a friend.
“When I go to California to visit my daughter and her adoptive parents, I always update them on my life – school, dating, work, and stuff like that,” says Taylor, a birth mother. “I think that when we show interest in each other’s lives, it makes us all feel more comfortable.” Who knows, the adoptive couple may even become some of your closest friends!
2. Honor Boundaries
It’s crucial to respect their roles as parents, and yours as the birth mom. These roles are equally important but different. When you honor their boundaries and parenting decisions, the adoptive parents will feel respected and secure in their role. This security will make them feel more comfortable with you.
3. Notice Your Child’s Siblings
If your child has siblings, you’re important in their lives too. “My son’s brother is one of my favorite kids. When I visit, we all play together. He knows that I love him and his brother,” says Hailey, a birth mother. So if you get your child a gift, think about getting a gift for their brother or sister, as well. They need to know they are important to you too.
4. Don’t Worry
Adoptive parents are only humans, so they might act awkward and make mistakes. They might be worried about saying or doing the wrong thing, just like you. So try not to feel intimidated as you start your relationship. What’s helped some birth moms is to think of them like extended family members.
The bottom line is that any relationship requires work. We recommend that you find what works best for you, since every open adoption relationship is different. Your relationship with the adoptive couple will naturally change as time passes. It’s possible to have an incredible open adoption relationship if you put the child first and remember that adoption is about love!