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Archive for place my baby for adoption

“What if I change my mind about adoption?”

Woman thinking outsideChoosing adoption for your baby is a major decision, and one that you might be on the fence about. Many women thinking about adoption worry that they might come to regret this decision. Right now, you might be wondering, “What if I change my mind about adoption? Can I adopt out my baby and get her back if I want to?”
 
At the end of the day, adoption is your choice. If your intuition is telling you that the adoptive couple you picked isn’t right, make sure to tell your Adoption Coordinator. She’s here to help you as you decide if the couple is right for your child.
 

Adoption Laws

After your baby is born, you have a set amount of time to change your mind about adoption. The amount of time depends on the state you live in. An adoption lawyer can make sure that you know your right and are fully informed before you sign anything.
 

Remember Your Reasons for Choosing Adoption

Before you stop the adoption, take a step back and think about why you chose adoption for your baby. What’s changed in your life that would make parenting easier? Why don’t you want to do adoption now?
 
A few of the most common reasons women choose adoption are:

    Pregnant woman at a park

  • Can’t afford to support another child
  • Environment is unsafe for a child
  • Lack of support from the father
  • Too young
  • Parenting would get in the way of future plans
  • Desire to provide child with a better life

Take some time to really consider your plans, feelings, and what’s going to work in the long-term. Then, be upfront and honest with your adoption agency and the adoptive couple you’ve already selected for your baby.
 
Remember, it’s never too late to choose adoption. If your parenting doesn’t work, you can always explore adoption again.
 

Speak With a Therapist

Lifetime encourages you to seek counseling during your adoption planning process. We can connect you with a licensed third-party counselor, for free. (“Third-party” means that the counselor has no personal interest in whether or not you do adoption.) The therapist merely is there to help you sort through the variety of emotions you might be facing.
 
Free peer counseling is also available to you. With peer counseling, you talk with a woman who chose adoption for her child. Since she’s been where you’re at right now, she can let you know what to expect as you get closer to your due date. If you’re having doubts about adoption, you can vent those to her.
 

Get Informed

Right now, the best thing you for yourself is to get as much information about adoption as possible. Reading this blog is a great place to start, as is going through all the info that your Adoption Coordinator at Lifetime sent you. Seek support from a counselor or a close friend as you’re making your adoption decision. Here at Lifetime, we realize that adoption is a tough choice to have to make. You might have moments of doubt even when you’re on the right path.
 

Know that Lifetime Adoption Agency isn’t here to push you into choosing adoption. The adoption decision is up to you!

Adoption Q&A: Can I Hold My Baby?

Can I hold my baby?“Dear Mardie,
I’m 17 and pregnant…I have no support from my parents or the father of the baby, I don’t have a decent job, I don’t have a stable home, and I’m now 7 months along. I have already found some totally cool parents that will be able to really spoil her and give her everything she needs and wants.

So, where is the problem? I’m having major second thoughts. I want to keep her. When I lie awake at night thinking and she’s kicking me…I just start crying. Thinking about giving her to someone else is really hard—someone else holding her all the time, her going to another mother when she cries, someone else calling her their baby, not mine.

Here is my question – at the hospital, will I be able to hold my baby, or will they just take her away? I know I’m going to give my baby up for adoption, for a better life. I feel like I’m being totally selfish, with my thoughts and feelings. What’s the best way to get a grip and move on over something like this big, without going nuts?”

-Allie

Dear Allie,

This can be a hard time, especially if you don’t have support at home. Your feelings are real and your emotions can’t be turned off or ignored. They will come up later in life, and later might not be as good a time as now to deal with them. Believe me—you want to work through this and find support from women who can help you. Lifetime can offer you peer counseling at no cost to you, from women who’d made an adoption plan for their child in the past.

Thinking about the “what if’s” is normal, but it will make this harder for you. Of course, most women facing an unplanned pregnancy never thought they would be pregnant before they were ready to be a mother. Don’t be too hard on yourself. Adoption is a big decision. I speak with many women who wish they had gone through with adoption instead of exposing their children to years of poverty and struggling. Not all women can follow through with an adoption plan. This has to be your decision. It sounds as if you have done some soul searching and are still struggling with the idea of someone else being mom instead of you.

Have you made plans for your future? Experts agree that when a woman has a goal and a plan for her future, one that she can see herself in for the time after birth, she has some hope and direction. The pain and sadness aren’t removed, but it does help while you’re healing to be able to think about your plans.  If you don’t have a plan for right after your baby is born, start thinking now of what you would really like to do with your life. Maybe you want to continue your education. Visit www.LifetimeFoundation.org for information on birth mother college scholarships.

Try to meet with a counselor to sort out your feelings. Speak with the adoptive parents. Getting to know them better might help you.

What you do must be your decision and the best decision for your daughter.

Take time to seek out the help and support you need before you give birth. As you ask questions and seek help, you will find many people willing to help you move closer to a future you want and one your child will thank you for.

I wish you the very best,

Mardie

Adoption Truth: Open Adoption Gives You the Choice

adoption truth stable family

“I’m worried, with my current situation, that if I try to raise my baby she’ll end up in foster care. I want her to have a stable life,” a woman calling our hotline recently told us. Open adoption gives you choice over your child’s future: which is a relief if you’re worried that your lifestyle (or circumstances) will cause CPS to take your child and put them into the foster care system. In most cases, choosing adoption helps you avoid being involved with CPS (child protective services) in the future. It also gives you a say over what happens to your child!

When you choose adoption, you can place your child with an adoptive couple of your choosing. You can even choose to have an “open adoption.” which means that you’d get photos and updates as your baby grows up.

The adoption truth is this: Many women choose adoption because of a lifestyle that could risk the child being put into foster care. She wants to give her child a permanent stable family. Even if she already has involvement with social services, or if she thinks there’s a chance her child could wind up in foster care, a mother can create an open adoption. She can choose the adoptive parents, place her baby directly with the parents of her choice, and even keep in touch after the adoption.

If you’d like more info on open adoption, call us at 1-877-383-6847 for information.