Many adoptive families nowadays are blessed to get invited by the birth parents to be present for the birth of their baby. We want to share some general guidelines with you today about the adoption hospital experience!
At the hospital, there’s such a difference between adoptive parents that mean well and those who act entitled. Join Lifetime as we share four things that adoptive couples should avoid doing at the hospital.
1. Don’t Invite People
While this is a joyous occasion for you, consider the birth parents. Unless they request the company of your friends and family, avoid the urge to invite them to the hospital.
We want to advise you to not to treat her hospital experience as your own, by celebrating with friends and family.
2. Don’t Take Charge
The birth mother should always be the one taking the lead. Remember that right now, you don’t have any legal rights to her child. Show your birth mother the respect she deserves by honoring this fact and understanding boundaries. Don’t make any decisions for the baby until the adoption paperwork has been signed. That means that if hospital personnel asks you a question about the baby, you’ll need to remind them to ask the birth mother. She needs to be the one making the decisions for now.
Lifetime has heard from many birth mothers who cherish the time they’re able to spend with their baby after delivery. So, make sure to let her enjoy this time.
Remember, let the birth mother take the lead and always ask for her permission. It’s important that you allow her however much time she needs to have with her baby.
3. Don’t Stay for Hours on End
Make sure to give the birth mother regular breaks from visiting with you and give her the space she needs. It’s sometimes easy for adoptive couples to be so excited about becoming parents, that they miss her social cues saying she needs some space. Your birth mother definitely needs to rest after giving birth, and she might also need some time alone with her baby.
Follow her lead, and provide for her wants and needs as you can. Avoid trying to take over, and don’t ask her for favors. For example, we’ve heard of adoptive couples asking to have the baby room with them, or for them to sleep over in the birth mother’s room. Don’t be that couple! Your birth mother already has so much on her plate, and she deserves to be in charge.
4. Don’t Pressure Her
Many birth mothers already feel pressured to follow through with adoption, so don’t do or say anything that to add to that. An example is gifts. Even though adoptive couples mean well, giving a gift right now just adds to the pressure she already feels. Your birth mother’s aware you’ve traveled a long way to get to the hospital. She knows the emotional ties you’ve made to her baby.
Our advice is to make sure to communicate with her. Are you unsure of what to say or do? Let her know! Tell her that you’re not there to pressure her. Let her know you’ll still love and respect her should she decide to parent.
Remember, for years to come you’ll be telling your son or daughter their birth story. So what’s important now is that you act in a way that will make your child proud of the role you played.