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Archive for adoption question

Can We Adopt if I’m Overweight?

Can we adopt if I’m overweight?Question: “My husband and I have just started to look into adopting, after trying IVF for four years. I’m heavy-set, and I’m worried that would prevent us from being chosen by a birth mother. Can we adopt if I’m overweight?”

Answer: The truth is, birth mothers choose adoptive parents because they can relate to them. They’re not basing their selection on looks, but rather due to factors like faith, location, family structure, hobbies, and traditions. Birth moms often look for families that share something in common with them. There are many birth moms out there that are similar to you and can visualize their baby in your family.

Adoption isn’t a beauty contest. It isn’t any kind of competition at all. Birth mothers aren’t looking for perfection. They’re looking for a family that will provide a loving home for their baby. If you’re overweight, it doesn’t make you any less appealing. It makes you more human, more relatable.

Rather than go on a drastic diet, it’s more important that you focus on your overall health and wellness. Being active and exercising regularly can improve your stamina. That’s something you’ll need when you’re parenting the baby you bring home. Choosing healthy food and seeing your doctor regularly is a good idea for any parent. Babies and children demand that you keep up with them every step of the way!

Lifetime believes that you are going to be wonderful, loving parents. There is a birth mother out there that will be the ideal match for you. When your adoption professional calls you with a match, it will be because you have unique qualities that will stand out to her.

Adoption Q&A: When Can We Name Our Baby?

when can we name our baby?Question: “When can we name our baby?”

Answer: Anytime really! You and your spouse can begin discussing it before you’re matched with a birth mother. You can talk about it during the match with your birth mother. Sometimes, the birth mother will already know or have an idea what she’d like to name her baby. So then you’d already have an idea of what she’s thinking about and if the name is important to her.

Some of the most beautiful adoption stories we’ve heard have been about the name. In these stories, the adoptive family has kept the desires of their child’s birth mother in mind, which definitely built and strengthened their open adoption relationship! Birth mothers have shared with Lifetime how touching it was to them when the family wanted to include her first name or middle name within the child’s name. It’s a way of honoring her and solidifying that commitment between the adoptive parents and the birth parents. It creates such a bond, and a beautiful story.

If you strongly dislike the name that the birth mother chose, you need to find out why it’s important to her. Listen as she tells you why this name is important. Have grace and give it some prayer. We encourage families to think about what’s really important. The name a child has doesn’t define who they are before they’re born. Don’t let the adoption fall apart just because of the name. Usually, there are compromises and ways to work around the name. If there isn’t, let your Adoption Coordinator know. She’ll try to work things out on your behalf.

While our office is closed today, Monday, September 4 for Labor Day, our 24-hour adoption line will be OPEN and AVAILABLE with Lifetime Staff to speak with birth mothers as well as any matched adoptive parents who may need to reach us urgently. That number is 1-800-923-6784.

Please keep your cell phone with you and on. Lifetime traditionally receives calls about urgent situations when other adoption professionals are not available because they are off enjoying the long weekend. If we need to reach you, we want to be sure that we can!

Adoption Q&A: Can I Hold My Baby?

Can I hold my baby?“Dear Mardie,
I’m 17 and pregnant…I have no support from my parents or the father of the baby, I don’t have a decent job, I don’t have a stable home, and I’m now 7 months along. I have already found some totally cool parents that will be able to really spoil her and give her everything she needs and wants.

So, where is the problem? I’m having major second thoughts. I want to keep her. When I lie awake at night thinking and she’s kicking me…I just start crying. Thinking about giving her to someone else is really hard—someone else holding her all the time, her going to another mother when she cries, someone else calling her their baby, not mine.

Here is my question – at the hospital, will I be able to hold my baby, or will they just take her away? I know I’m going to give my baby up for adoption, for a better life. I feel like I’m being totally selfish, with my thoughts and feelings. What’s the best way to get a grip and move on over something like this big, without going nuts?”

-Allie

Dear Allie,

This can be a hard time, especially if you don’t have support at home. Your feelings are real and your emotions can’t be turned off or ignored. They will come up later in life, and later might not be as good a time as now to deal with them. Believe me—you want to work through this and find support from women who can help you. Lifetime can offer you peer counseling at no cost to you, from women who’d made an adoption plan for their child in the past.

Thinking about the “what if’s” is normal, but it will make this harder for you. Of course, most women facing an unplanned pregnancy never thought they would be pregnant before they were ready to be a mother. Don’t be too hard on yourself. Adoption is a big decision. I speak with many women who wish they had gone through with adoption instead of exposing their children to years of poverty and struggling. Not all women can follow through with an adoption plan. This has to be your decision. It sounds as if you have done some soul searching and are still struggling with the idea of someone else being mom instead of you.

Have you made plans for your future? Experts agree that when a woman has a goal and a plan for her future, one that she can see herself in for the time after birth, she has some hope and direction. The pain and sadness aren’t removed, but it does help while you’re healing to be able to think about your plans.  If you don’t have a plan for right after your baby is born, start thinking now of what you would really like to do with your life. Maybe you want to continue your education. Visit www.LifetimeFoundation.org for information on birth mother college scholarships.

Try to meet with a counselor to sort out your feelings. Speak with the adoptive parents. Getting to know them better might help you.

What you do must be your decision and the best decision for your daughter.

Take time to seek out the help and support you need before you give birth. As you ask questions and seek help, you will find many people willing to help you move closer to a future you want and one your child will thank you for.

I wish you the very best,

Mardie

Adoption Q&A: Am I Able to Adopt?

older woman blondeQuestion: Can I adopt if I’m single? Can I adopt if I’m an older parent?

Answer: Different adoption professionals have varying requirements for adoptive parents. The type of adoption you desire may also determine if you qualify as a single or older parent. At our center, we have assisted single women to adopt and have worked with adoptive parents from 21 to 60! There are many aspects adoption professionals generally consider when accepting prospective adoptive families, most of which consider the criteria birth parents are seeking in families to adopt their child.

Your adoption professional and home study provider can help you prepare for or consider issues you may face as a single or older parent.

Please let us know your adoption questions! Contact us online or call us at 1-877-383-6847.