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Archive for how to handle the adoption wait

The Truth About Being Picked by a Birth Mother

Woman browses Internet on a tabletAmanda rested on the sofa, with a cup of tea resting in one hand one. She grabbed for her iPad and began to browse through her adoption agency’s website, something that she did every night upon getting home from work. As she navigated the site, Amanda began feeling defeated. As she looked at all the happy photos of other couples hoping to adopt, she wondered, “How will we ever stand out from all these other couples and get picked by a birth mother? What makes a birth mother choose one couple over another as the parents to her child? How can we compete against couples who are charming, well-educated, attractive, and wealthier?”
 
If this scenario sounds familiar to you, you’re not alone. Plenty hopeful adoptive parents feel worried from time to time that a birth mother won’t choose them. Struggling with jealousy and frustration during your adoption journey is normal. Today, we hope to bring clarity to the open adoption process and give you some bottom line truths about being chosen by a birth mother.
 

Why Them and Not Us?

Today, birth mothers pick adoptive families for a variety of reasons. Lifetime has seen women choose a certain couple just because they looked kind, or familiar, or fun. Birth mothers have decided on their baby’s adoptive parents based on where they live, their pets, or their hobbies. We’ve even worked with birth mothers who felt an instant connection to an adoptive couple because they both liked the same candy! As you can tell, there’s no specific formula to explain why a birth mother might like one family over another.
 
The truth is, a birth mother can only pick ONE adoptive family for her baby. Once she realizes that there are so many wonderful, loving couples who would make amazing parents for her baby, it makes her difficult decision even more so.
 

How Long Will We Wait?

Adoption is unique. If it were easier to adopt, there would be more people pursuing this path to parenthood. It’s challenging to predict exactly how long your adoption wait will be. That because here at Lifetime, adoption depends on a birth mother’s choice.
 
So, it’s important to follow your adoption agency’s guidance and expertise on your adoption profile, website, and video. Also, make sure to be as open as you’re comfortable in your adoption preferences for a child. Every time a birth mother sees your information, it’s another opportunity to be picked.
 
The bottom line is that there are a variety of reasons why some adoptive couples wait longer than others. Some hopeful adoptive parents may have put off turning in their home study paperwork or getting their adoption profiles in. Or, they might even have turned down an opportunity to adopt that was given to them and was inside their preferences. For couples who have been ready and proactive from the beginning of their adoption journey, it’s just a matter of time!
 
Each adoptive family’s path to their child is unique, but it can be hard not to compare yourself to others. Whether you’re seeking an adoption match on your own or with the help of a professional, we hope that the insights we shared here help you get through the frustrating days.
 

Do you need encouragement and inspiration during your adoption wait? Make sure to check out these helpful articles about waiting:

8 Ways to Be Positive During the Adoption Wait
 
In Your Adoption Wait? 5 Ideas on What You Can Do
 
A Lesson In Patience as You Wait to Adopt
 
Coping With Your Adoption Wait
 
Struggling With Your Adoption Wait? Read This!

Coping With Your Adoption Wait

Coping with an adoption waitThere’s a lot of waiting involved in the infant adoption process. First, there’s waiting for your home study to be completed, then there’s the waiting for a birth mother to choose to match with you. The adoption wait can seem extra tough, especially when it’s for something you so long for: to be parents.

There may be days when the phone rings and you think ‘could that be the call we’ve been waiting for?’ Then, it’s disappointing when it turns out this isn’t your adoption agency calling that a birth mother is interested in speaking with you. The important thing is that that you keep on going, and praying for that much-anticipated call to come soon.

During your adoption wait, your profile will be looked at by many birth mothers. You’ll probably end up speaking to several of them before being matched. This fact can be both a blessing and distressing.

You may get your hopes up once you’re aware that your profile is getting viewed, so your excitement grows because you feel that your chances of being chosen for a match will come soon. But then what if you still don’t get chosen?

You begin to doubt yourself, your profile, and that you’re able to show birth mother mothers you’ll be excellent parents. When you don’t get picked, it can lower your self-esteem and you can get down on yourself.

Don’t go there! Remember, God made you and that is good enough. There will be ups and downs on your adoption journey, but it will come to an end. You will adopt a baby if you stick with it.

So, what can you do to get through your waiting time? Are there actions you can take to make the wait easier to cope with? The good news is that yes, there are definitely things you can do in order to stay productive during your wait! Check out Lifetime Adoption Agency Florida’s ideas on how to cope with your adoption wait:

Waiting to Adopt? 5 Ways to Stay Encouraged

Letting God Help You During Your Adoption Wait

What to Do During Your Adoption Wait this Winter

Struggling With Your Adoption Wait? Read This!