Amanda rested on the sofa, with a cup of tea resting in one hand one. She grabbed for her iPad and began to browse through her adoption agency’s website, something that she did every night upon getting home from work. As she navigated the site, Amanda began feeling defeated. As she looked at all the happy photos of other couples hoping to adopt, she wondered, “How will we ever stand out from all these other couples and get picked by a birth mother? What makes a birth mother choose one couple over another as the parents to her child? How can we compete against couples who are charming, well-educated, attractive, and wealthier?”
If this scenario sounds familiar to you, you’re not alone. Plenty hopeful adoptive parents feel worried from time to time that a birth mother won’t choose them. Struggling with jealousy and frustration during your adoption journey is normal. Today, we hope to bring clarity to the open adoption process and give you some bottom line truths about being chosen by a birth mother.
Why Them and Not Us?
Today, birth mothers pick adoptive families for a variety of reasons. Lifetime has seen women choose a certain couple just because they looked kind, or familiar, or fun. Birth mothers have decided on their baby’s adoptive parents based on where they live, their pets, or their hobbies. We’ve even worked with birth mothers who felt an instant connection to an adoptive couple because they both liked the same candy! As you can tell, there’s no specific formula to explain why a birth mother might like one family over another.
The truth is, a birth mother can only pick ONE adoptive family for her baby. Once she realizes that there are so many wonderful, loving couples who would make amazing parents for her baby, it makes her difficult decision even more so.
How Long Will We Wait?
Adoption is unique. If it were easier to adopt, there would be more people pursuing this path to parenthood. It’s challenging to predict exactly how long your adoption wait will be. That because here at Lifetime, adoption depends on a birth mother’s choice.
So, it’s important to follow your adoption agency’s guidance and expertise on your adoption profile, website, and video. Also, make sure to be as open as you’re comfortable in your adoption preferences for a child. Every time a birth mother sees your information, it’s another opportunity to be picked.
The bottom line is that there are a variety of reasons why some adoptive couples wait longer than others. Some hopeful adoptive parents may have put off turning in their home study paperwork or getting their adoption profiles in. Or, they might even have turned down an opportunity to adopt that was given to them and was inside their preferences. For couples who have been ready and proactive from the beginning of their adoption journey, it’s just a matter of time!
Each adoptive family’s path to their child is unique, but it can be hard not to compare yourself to others. Whether you’re seeking an adoption match on your own or with the help of a professional, we hope that the insights we shared here help you get through the frustrating days.
Do you need encouragement and inspiration during your adoption wait? Make sure to check out these helpful articles about waiting:
In Your Adoption Wait? 5 Ideas on What You Can Do
A Lesson In Patience as You Wait to Adopt
Coping With Your Adoption Wait
Struggling With Your Adoption Wait? Read This!
Question: “My girlfriend is pregnant and is thinking about adopting out our baby. I think she’s crazy for even considering it and I’m totally against adoption. It’s my baby too. Do I have any control over this? Can I stop her from putting our baby up for adoption?”
There is so much to learn, to prepare, and to think about when it comes to adopting a baby. But it doesn’t have to be overwhelming! Lifetime is here to help you sort through your questions and get the details and tips you need to pave the path that’s right for you and your adoption goals.
The emotional rollercoaster of choosing adoption for your baby can seem difficult enough without adding paperwork and all the steps involved. It might seem impossible to get through when you look at the adoption process with one glance. But just like with anything, when you take it one step at a time, it’s much easier to finish.
The blessing in reading adoption stories is that you can really learn a lot from them. This especially holds true when you’re hearing from adoptive couples who have adopted recently.
“When I think of adoption it is with mixed emotions, the most overpowering one being love. We have been blessed by the adoption journey and by our daughter. However, I can also remember a time not so long ago that adoption was bittersweet and only wishful thinking. We had known we wanted to adopt long before the infertility issues began.
When we shared with our family and friends that we were going to adopt, they were both excited and nervous. Many people were skeptical of our decision, and we received a lot of 
You’ve put a lot of time and effort put into choosing the perfect family for your baby. You’ve read profile after profile until you finally found “the one.” It can be a big relief to have that part of your adoption planning behind you.
Are you wondering what a home study is? Today, Lifetime Adoption Agency is giving you answers to the most frequently asked home study questions, so you can be fully prepared for it!
Creating a family can happen in many ways. If you’d like to build your family through adoption, it’s important to find the best adoption agency in Florida. Since there are a vast array of adoption agencies, it can be challenging to find one that will match what you desire.
Are you pregnant and considering adoption? You’re not alone; we’re here to help you. Lifetime Adoption Agency helps expectant mothers in Florida and across to the U.S. explore adoption in a supportive, safe, and personalized environment. We’re here to provide you with up-to-date adoption information and support.
Last year, adoptive couple Anthony and Sara were blessed to adopt a baby boy through Lifetime. In this family’s story, we hear from Sara about her life-long call to adoption, getting “the call” that a birth mother was interested in them, and their experience with becoming parents together through an open adoption.
“We have a birth mother who’s interested in you.”
I first felt the call to adopt as a very young teenager. It started with one of those controversial “Feed the Children” commercials. Then learning about the unwanted baby girls in China. Then hearing a missionary speak about the orphans they help care for in Uganda, and working with poverty-stricken American children on various missions trips throughout high school. And so on. Each experience was like kindling to my little spark, and God continued to breathe on it.
We had to postpone our home study for a while, due to an upcoming move for my husband’s job. So, once our application with Lifetime was approved, we set aside a handful of months to save some money and work on our digital and print profiles. We officially contracted with Lifetime in July 2017 and were home study-ready that October. Then, the real wait began.
And He did. Just four months after completing our home study, we were selected by an amazing young woman who had contacted Lifetime late in her pregnancy. She was initially drawn to the fact that Anthony and the birth father have the same college degree, and once she read the rest of our profile, according to her, “it just felt right.” After speaking with her, it felt right to us too.
An example of such a life is the baby boy born in a tiny town in upstate New York at 8:22 am on March 29, 2018, to a woman none of our family and friends have ever met. But, the moment he took on our name, he became part of the family. Elijah has become such a source of excitement and joy in our family. He was automatically accepted and loved. Because he took on our name. That’s the gospel, and watching it play out in front of me these past months has been too beautiful for words.
